I have to believe this will happen.

Because, if I don't, then, I'll probably revert to sadness for a long time.

This is something I want more than I've wanted anything ever. I've never felt like something could be that amazing, that I can't live without it. Nothing has ever been so... fitting. This is something I can see lasting. Lasting for a long time. I have to believe it's possible.

I'm so afraid it's in my life, but it's not for my life. I don't want to believe that. I'm not going to. I'm going to believe it is for my life.

This was supposed to be a good week.

I offically hate Thursdays. It's a fact.

Today:
-I found out my submissions didn't get into Ramifications.
-I could barely walk. Still. I'm so tired of this. I know it will go away with time, but I'm just tired of waiting.
-Even though I could barely walk, I had to walk from the library to the cage. In the rain. Without an umbrella.
-I got a terrible email from one of my teachers about my grade in his class.
-I found out something about a friend that really upset me. Something really awful happened to this person and they are someone I really care about, and I hate that it happened.

Okay, so I know it sounds like I'm some emo kid who hates life. That's not really true. I just had a bad day. Things will get better, they will.

A note to God [sorry, kids, if you're not on the same page as me here. I respect you, you respect me]: Please tell me that You did not put this in my life only for it to not be for me. I know there is a reason You did this, and I'm trying to figure it out. I also know that You know what You're doing and that I have to trust You. I do trust that You can see my heart like no one else, and You can see that my heart wants this more than my heart has wanted anything. I think my heart needs this. But, what I think is not always right, so I have to trust that You know what my heart needs and You will let me know if this is it. Sometimes I forget that You know what is right for me, and I try to make everything happen myself. Sometimes I have to sit back and let You take over. Not only in this specific situation, but in everything. School work. Personal things. Life decisions. Everything.

Sigh.

I have to go write a paper for African American Literature now.

Bye cyberspace.

Love love.

SAC