I'm bored at work. Enjoy.

Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?
No.

Do you ever think about the past?
Sometimes I think it's inevitable.

Last night you felt?
Just fine. I was studying for a mid-term, so a bit stressed, but no biggie.

Do you have any plans Friday?
Going home with Hannahers.

What's your favorite thing to do when you're bored?
Read or sleep. Bahaha.

What were you doing an hour ago?
Standing outside of Krannert talking to Lydia Freeman.

What are you wearing right now?
Sweats and a tee. I'm high class today. Bah.

Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
Erm. Emma Harr, I believe.

Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
Math.

Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
No.

Are you a forgiving person?
Too much so sometimes.

Where's the last place you went besides your house?
Well--I'm on campus right now.

Are you short?
Than some, sure. But, I'd say I'm pretty average.

Are you nice to everyone?
No.

How many tattoos do you have, and how many do you want?
Five. At least two more that I know of.

Have you ever turned to drinking or smoking to solve a problem?
NOOOO.

Do you think it’s a bunch of bull shit when people say “I have no regrets"?
I mean, no. I only have one real regret.

Would your parents be mad if you were in a relationship?
No?? They'd probably be jubilant. I think they're starting to wonder if I'm asexual.

What's irritating you right now?
My stomach.

How many kids do you want?
Zero.

What happened at 10:00 am today?
I was at home eating food.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
Not enough.

Does anyone call you baby?
No.

What are you listening to?
My Dario Marianelli station on Pandora.

Do you get along with girls?
Sometimes.

Are you mad about anything?
Nahh.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes.

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
Ew.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Studying for my midterm.

Have you made someone happy today?
I suppose it's possible.

Do you think tomorrow will be a good day?
Bah! Yes! I'm going to the Apple Festival with Hannah, and then when I get home tomorrow evening, Danny should be here!

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn't?
Yeah.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Old Navy.

Are you afraid to grow up?
No.

Do you care what people think of you?
Not at all.

When do you plan on having kids?
Never.

Do you like orange juice?
Yes.

Would you rather have big or small dogs?
Big! Like my Jakerson. Who I love.

Was last night terrible?
Nahh.

Describe how you feel right now in one word.
Content.

Are you scared of anything?
Heights.

Are promises important to you?
YES.

Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Yes. I believe they did.

When was the last time you spoke to your sister?
I don't have a sister.

Is there someone who makes you instantly smile when you see them?
Sure.

Is your natural hair curly or straight?
Neither, just frizzy. Bah. Esp. today.

Who was the first person to make you smile today?
Mi madre.

How late did you stay up last night?
2.

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
Yes.

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn't?
Hahaha. Understatement.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you do?
All right. I mean, I haven't seen him in a while.

Do you wear hairbands as bracelets?
Not generally. My hairs a bit short still.

How's your life lately?
Good, thanks.

Whats the closest pink object?
Uhh. Nothing.

Where will you be this time tomorrow?
APPLE FESTIVAL!!!

Get any compliments today?
Not so much. I look like hell today.

Where did you get the pants your wearing?
Target. They're sweats.

What are you doing tomorrow?
See ^ up there.

Do you like the smell of coconut?
Yes.

Who did you last text?
Hannah about when I'm meeting her tonight.

Did you do anything productive today?
I took a midterm.

Is your hair wet?
Nope.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I have five.

When did you last feel "not good enough"?
High school or something.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
Yes.

Are you dating the last girl you talked to?
Uhh. No. My door swings the other way, so...

When is the last time you took a nap?
Hahahahaha.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Christy, yesterday.

Something that happened today that made you angry?
No.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
It depends on what the feeling is, I suppose.

Do you wear makeup?
No. On VERY VERY rare occasions, like twice a year or something.

What are you doing tonight?
Going to Hannah's.

What did you do yesterday?
Class & work & studying.

Are you happy right now?
Generally.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No.

Has anyone ever given you roses?
Yes.

First person to text today?
Alli, I believe.

What is your favorite color?
Yellow.

What color are your eyes?
Grey.

Do you like your parents?
I do. I love them.

Anyone been on your mind lately?
It happens.

If you were in the hospital would your last ex come see you?
I suppose if he were around, maybe.

What does your last text say?
"Yay!" from Hannah.

Do you sing in the car?
If the song has words, but I've been on such an instrumental kick lately--so, I suppose I could make up words or something.

Was it hard for you to get over your lastest ex?
No.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
I'm never wrong, though... Bahaha. KIDDING. Nah.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
I take showers whenever I have time. Seriously. I don't really have a schedule.

When is the last time you had pizza?
Haha. I had it for lunch today.

Do you wear shoes in your house or take them off?
Off.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?
It's whatev.

How was your day overall?
Fine, so far, but it's not over.

Do you swallow gum when you're finished?
Ew.

Have any piercings?
I have nine.

Last thing you laughed really hard at?
Hmmm. Something Mark said, I'm sure. OH! I know--at Improv!

Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes.

You just cracked your knuckles didn't you?
Haha, yes.

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
Hi, how's life?

How are you feeling at this exact moment?
Just fine.

Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
Sometimes, but I don't care.

What's something you really want right now?
Hahaha. To be able to eat whatever I want and not get fat. This is what I want in life, really. Wow--I'm so odd.

What was the first thing you did this morning?
Showered.

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
Yeah.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Only one thing.

What do you do when something's wrong?
Cry. Sleep. Talk to Emily, Emma, or Erin.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
Sure.

What do you hear?
Scott Cossu.

What is something you realized today?
I don't know. Nothing yet.

Have you seen any of the Saw movies?
No.

Do you like country music?
Hell no.

Who is the last person that called you?
Christy.

Does anyone have feelings for you right now?
Wouldn't that be nice?

Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
I'm 21, my parents don't care.

Who hugged you last?
Uhh. Viraj.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yes.

Do you believe in God?
I do.

Is your cell phone a touch screen phone?
No.

Have you ever been to Mexico?
Bahaha. Oh, funny story, really.

Who was the last person to see you cry?
My mother, I think.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes. Lots.

Who's the last person you told a secret to?
Bah. Emma, maybe?

Whens your birthday?
july28

Whats your best subject in school?
I don't know. School is so... odd... for me. I mean, I suppose I write well.

Do you look anything like your bestfriend?
No.

Are you in High School?
Hell no.

Do you have plans for today?
Work til 5. Home with Hanns.

Do you have a favorite letter?
Uhh. No.

Are you taller then your Mother?
A full five inches.

Does anyone in your family have cancer?
Yes.

Has a song ever made you cry?
Oh yes.

As of this minute, what is going through your mind:
Life.

Last person to make you sad?
Uhh. Myself.

What color is your shirt:
Purple.

Do you miss anyone?
Everyday.

What was your first thought this morning;
I know I had a dream last night, but I don't remember it now.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
No no.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
No.

If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?
I'm really really upset, tired, or angry.

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?
Anything can happen, I suppose, but I'm not expecting it.

Do you ever think "what if" about anything?
That's stupid.

Do you want to grow old with someone or be single forever?
Growing old with someone would be nice.

Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
My nose is pierced.

Do you believe that high school relationships ever make it?
Some do, I think.

Could you last in a relationship for over a year?
I think so.

Have you ever liked someone that you didn't expect to?
I mean--perhaps, I suppose.

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Improv.

Storytime.

My plot exercise for fiction:

He was cold. For some reason the thermostat in the building was still set to its unnaturally low state, despite the fact that it was getting colder outside. He pulled his jacket on as he walked over to the window. He longed for the day to be over and to be able to go home. As he stared through the window he looked down at the bench were he knew she’d be. She was so beautiful—even through the distance, he knew she was. Everything about her was masterful. She was sitting with her dog, as always—a large German Shepherd. He wanted nothing more than to talk to her, but he really had no idea what he would say if he did. The longer he stood and stared, and the colder he got, the less afraid he felt, and moments later he was walking across the street toward the bench.

He walked slowly over to her, holding his jacket tightly to him. The wind was cold on his face and he wondered if she was cold—sitting jacketless in this frigid air. He supposed things felt differently to her. As he grew closer to her, the dog lifted its face to greet him—it looked slightly as though it were smiling. He smiled back, but then a sickening feeling hit his stomach full force and he realized the stupidity of his actions; he started to walk away. The startling sound of the dog barking made him jump and stop walking.

“Is someone there, boy?” she said in a voice that sounded like music. He felt the breath leave his lungs for a moment as he heard the sound of beauty. She patted the top of the dog’s head gently, and then raised her face to the air and said, “Is someone there?” The dog barked again in his direction and she turned her face toward him. “Hello? Is someone there?” she repeated. He hesitated, but only briefly this time, “Yes. I—I’m waiting for the bus,” he lied and sat down on the bench next to her.

“Oh. Me, too,” she answered before falling silent again. He sat quietly and looked at her. He soaked in every feature of her face—the tiny lines forming in various places from laughing, her rosy cheeks and nose—likely from being cold—gave life to her face, and her eyes were the color of the sky right before twilight. He stared at them—and thought that it was truly tragic that she was so breathtakingly beautiful and would never know it. He wanted to start a conversation with her—but the longer he stared at her, the more inferior he felt. He stood up abruptly, having realized he no longer wanted her to know him, to know who he was. Who was he to her, anyway? A nobody. As he started to walk away, the dog barked again, although slightly less jilting this time.

"What is it, boy?” she said quietly to the dog. “Are you not taking the bus anymore?” she said to the air again. It took him a moment to realize that she was addressing him. He looked at her, and then looked down at the dog. He wondered briefly if the dog could be used to his advantage.

“I think I might walk,” he finally said, “I’m not too far away from where I’m going, anyhow.” She nodded and made a soft noise of affirmation. He looked down at the dog again. He could talk about her dog—but, he wondered how far that would get him in a conversation, especially now that he’d already said a sort of goodbye. He didn’t want to seem pushy or forward, seeing as he wasn’t even sure what he was doing talking to her in the first place.

When he finally spoke again it felt like it had been a million lifetimes. “Your dog is beautiful.” She jumped a little. It was clear that she’d been under the impression that he had in fact walked away. She sighed, and then said, “Thank you.” She patted the dog on the head and sighed again. “He does me well.” He looked at her face and could see a sort of odd happiness in it. He knew that it must be difficult to be in a situation like hers, but some days he wished he could go without seeing the horrors of the world. He thought about saying something else, but was interrupted mid-thought by someone yelling his name.

“Ted! Get back over here—boss man wants to see you!” He turned looked up at his office window where a co-worker was frantically waving his arms. He stood and looked, but didn’t react, and it wasn’t until he heard the blaring horn that he even realized he’d walked into the road. When he was safely back on the other side of the street, he stood and caught his breath. He heard the dog barking frantically and looked over in their direction. She was standing up trying to calm the dog down, saying, “It’s okay boy! It was just a horn.” He was fully aware of how unaware she was that he’d almost been killed. He walked back into his office building and as he was climbing the stairs he thought back over the events of the last 15 minutes of his life. In that moment, he knew he’d never be that brave again.

Sometimes I wish I knew the answer. It's sort one of those "Come on already!" feelings.

Then I realize I'm being patient. And being patient will help me to figure out who I am.

So, then I go back to waiting. And, it continues to suck, but I continue to smile.

I am a vagrant these days. I haven't been home in about four days--and I'm starting to wonder when I'll get home. I could use home about now--I've run out of clean clothes, which is highly unfortunate. Luckily the couches and beds of kind-hearted friends have stayed open for me, and I am so unbelievably grateful for this. There has also been a plethora of places for me to bathe, so I've not been terribly unclean or anything of that nature.

Why I've not been home is really a mystery. I could have gone home if I'd wanted to--I really don't live terribly far away by any means. I just haven't. Perhaps it was as though I felt the need to take a vacation from the normal, because of all the stress from school work and whatnot. Perhaps I just needed to be away from my parents for a few days. Maybe I'll never really know, but the fact of the matter is that I packed up and slept on couches and wandered around seemingly vagrant like for four days--and now, I am ready to go home. Unfortunately for me, now that I want to go home, shower in my shower, sleep in my bed--is when I'm not sure when I'll be able to.

Oh, homework, why must you haunt me?

When I am quite finished with this paper, perhaps I will climb into my car and traverse the ever-so-difficult five miles to my house, take a shower in my shower, and sleep in my bed, rather than call yet another unsuspecting kind-hearted friend and say, "hi, I'm alone and homeless, take me in?"

I'm going to go home.

I messed up.

Big time.