I need summer to be here.

Now.

Okaythanks.

Three finals and four days away from the best summer of my life, thankyouverymuch.

[Oh, and from being a senior. Which is hella weird.]

I'm going to bed now. Ray, Amos, and Tyrone [Lamontagne, Lee, and Wells, that is] will sing me to bed with my awesome RAT [pack! haha] mix of amazingness.

I don't have enough energy to leave love tonight.
Sorry.

SAC

Story.

I remember walking into the room and seeing that look on her face. I'd seen it before. It was her "Are you serious?" face. Except this time, it was more than that. I was not just "Are you serious?" it was "How the hell did this happen?"

I said her name, but she didn't look at me. I didn't really expect her to; she was in some other place. A place I didn't know, a place I couldn't know. I said her name again. She looked up and acknowledged me, but didn't say anything. Then she stared at her knees. I didn't know what to say. Nothing I could have said would have made a difference, or would have even meant anything. I looked at her for a long time, standing in the doorway, before I walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. She looked so beautiful. I don't remember a time in my whole life ever thinking she was so beautiful or ever feeling that much love for her. I wanted to tell her that, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't say anything.

We sat in silence for about 30 minutes before she said anything. When she finally said "Hi," to me, I was taken by surprise, having been so caught up in the quiet. I looked at her and smiled a small smile. She kept her eyes on me for a full minute before she said anything else. Then she told me a story about her brother from when they were kids. A story I'd never heard before. She laughed. I laughed. At some point during the story, her hand had ended up in mine. She looked down at our clasped hands and then looked up at me and smiled. She said, "I love you." It had never meant so much. Then we sat in silence again, hand in hand for over an hour.

I broke the silence. Somewhere in my thoughts, I'd thought about the time when he'd taken both of us to the zoo when I was about seven and I'd been terrified of the monkeys. The two of them had assured me that I was fine, they were in a cage and couldn't get anywhere near me, but I didn't believe them. He'd scooped me up into his arms, even though I'd been entirely too big at this point and held me for five minutes telling me I was going to be okay over and over and over. Even as a seven-year-old, I remember seeing the love in her eyes when she looked at him loving me. I loved him, too. As, I recalled my story she looked at me, she never once took her eyes off of me. When I was finished, she pulled me into her and held me to her and said, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

I said, "I love you, too, Mom. I love you, too." And at the same time, we said, "I love you." We were talking to him. We both knew we were. In that moment, we both began to cry, and cry, and cry.

The end.

I couldn't sleep. Enjoy.

THREE NAMES I GO BY
Sarah.
SacMan.
SarahCountryman [one name].

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
Chick-fil-A.
Richard's Gym.
And, in the fall I'm working in the foreign language office!

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
Richmond, VA.
Rome, GA.
Williamsburg, VA.

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
NCIS [is life].
Medium.
Friday Night Lights.

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
London.
NYC.
Prince Edward Island.

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
Africa. Anywhere.
Greece.
Costa Rica.

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
Any kind of seafood.
Bacon.
Olives.

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
Tomorrow [or I should say tonight!] with Em!
Saturday night funtimes at Olive Garden.
Sunday. The whole day pretty much.

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
Erin the Wonderdog. I miss her!
Oliver the cat who thinks he's a flying squirrel.
And, Jake. The love of my life and my amazing Golden Retriever.

THREE FAVORITE BANDS
I'm really more of an independent artist kind of person, but if I must choose:
The Beatles.
Simon and Garfunkel.
The Beach Boys.

THREE FAVORITE TEAMS TO WATCH
Chelsea.
FSU Baseball.
Armuchee High School Football. Do not judge me.

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
Water.
Milk.
Crystal Light.

A - Age: 2o.

B - Bed size: Double.

C - Chore you hate: Dishes. Guhh.

D - Dogs' names: Jake and Lexie.

E - Essential start your day item: Shower!

F - Favorite color: Yellow and teal.

G - Gold or Silver: Silver.

H - Height: 5'4".

I - Instruments you play: Piano. And I sing.

J - Job title: Student.

K - Kid(s): NONE.

L - Living arrangements: I live with the 'rents.

M - Mom's name: Ruthy.

N - Nicknames: SacMan, SAC, SC.

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: All five of my surgeries.

P - Pet Peeve(s): Ignorance.

Q – Quote from a movie: "I'm sorry. Did my needle get in the way of your ASS?!?!" -Zoolander.

R - Right or left handed: Right.

S - Siblings: Zero.

T - Time you wake up: Around 7ish.

U- Underwear: I'm wearing?

V - Vegetable you dislike: Tomatoes.

W - Ways you run late: I don't. I am punctuality

X - X-rays you've had: Pretty much every bone in my body. I probably have like radiation poisoning or something.

Y - Yummy food you make: CURRY! Whoo!

Z- Zodiac Sign: Who cares?

Today's starting off well.

That makes me happy.

Time at The Nest and time with my best friend is always a heart-lifter.

Today is going to be long, though. I have to go from here [The Nest] to class, to another class, to the Theatre Awards, and then it's nothing but homework. I'm not too sure how much sleep I'm going to get tonight. I have a poster presentation for African American literature and also my Spanish Oral exam tomorrow. I'm really not that stressed about it, I know I'll get it done, it's just a lot of work. But, such is life. I'll make it.

Tomorrow afternoon/evening will be splendid. Best time! Em and I are planning on going to Ian and Robert's senior show and perhaps the improv show at Schroeder's on Broad. And then... we're going to have a sleepover like 11-year-olds! =]. And watch Zoolander. I'm pretty excited, I must say. We'll do all those tyical sleepover things, like paint our toenails and gossip. Bahaha. Gossip. I'm really not a gossip at all, but I feel like it's necessary for a sleepover, yes?

I'm sort of upset with myself for being pissy yesterday morning. I talked myself out of it though. Happiness is all around.

I'm done.

Love love.

SAC

I have trouble thinking of creative titles for my posts.

So, I'm just not going to even try. 

Here's an interesting fact: Did you know that the stamps in Israel are Kosher certified? 

I know, right?! How cool is that. 

Anyway, I think I'm probably more excited about that than most people. But, whatever... I still think it's really amazing.

I don't have anything else to say, really. I'm boring, I know.

Oh! Today started out really sucky, but then got better. =]. Yay for getting better. 

Anyway, I should probably work or something. Since I'm at work. 

Love love.

SAC

It's time for a something uplifting I think.

Today I saw a bird in a tree,
And it smiled at me.
"Birds can't smile," you say.
"It did. I promise, I promise,
It smiled my way."

It sang a song.
It wasn't too long.
Just a song to lift the heart.
In making my day,
It did it's part.

I walked away,
But walked with a sway.
With a song and smile,
That bird did allow
Me to walk just one more mile.

So, that was my incredibly lame attempt at poetry. I'm sorry you were subjected.

Anyway, it's late. I'm tired. I have a lot to do tomorrow.

Love love.

SAC.

Intelligence, change, and growth.

Intelligence. It's something I strive for. Something I think I have.

I like to be informed when I am speaking, and I want to scream when someone thinks they know what they are talking about, but really have no clue. Ignorance is not bliss, if you ask me.

I've been doubting myself lately. I know that I'm a generally intelligent person. I write fairly well, I am informed in debates I may have with other people, I have a general sense of what's going on in the world, I have common sense. But, my grades are low this semester. They've been "low" before, but never like this. I'm suffering in my Spanish class. I'm really having a hard time with that class for some reason. It should really be so much easier for me that it is. And, Faulkner. Oh, Faulkner. It's more than likely I will fail that class. FAIL. That makes my heart want to explode into a million and half pieces. But, at this point, I don't really know what else I can do. Bah. [I know, it doesn't help that my level of motivation right now is low].

It makes me think, and I've thought about this before: Why am I an English Major? I'm not good at this whole Literature thing. I'm just not. The classes that I've struggled in the most are my English classes. And those are the ones that I should be enjoying the most, not hating. I thought that switching to the writing concentration would solve all my problems, and while it does cut back on my Literature load, it doesn't eliminate it. All of the core classes are Lit classes. This semester, the class that I have enjoyed the most has been playwriting and that's because I'm actually WRITING. Not reading and analyzing all the damn time. But, here's the thing. I love to write. I do, I really really do. It's just that, I know I can write, and while I'm not the greatest, I know I'm not terrible, so why do I need to be taught how to? I'm so done being an English Major at all.

Here's something interesting about me: there are Three things I want to do with my life. 1. Help people. 2. Own a restaurant. 3. Write.

In this moment, I want to be done with the semester and I want to be done with English. I don't know what that means. I have a lot of thinking to do, and this summer is going to be a time of growth for me. When I come back in the fall, there are three options for me: 1. I stay an English Major. I suck it up and deal with it. 2. I change my major and stay longer. 3. I take a semester off.


Change has never been easy for me. My transition from high school to college was strangely hard, considering there really wasn't all that much changing. I didn't go away to school, I still lived at home, I saw my parents everyday. But, I remember it being so difficult. Last year, I applied to VCU for transfer, I was accepted, but I could make myself leave Berry. I was too afraid, I didn't want to leave my friends. This year, however, has been filled with change. I had a shift in the fall of who my friends were, and that shift has continued into this semester. I've changed a lot personally, as well; I've done a lot of growing and learning about who I am. I'm a good place with myself and with my friends, but I know that there are going to be even more changes coming. This summer will be a summer of growth and change; I know I will learn so much about myself. I hope I learn who I am supposed to be.

I want to be someone who makes a difference. Analyzing literature will not do that for me. The end.

I'm going to go do homework now. Sigh.

SAC

A study diversion.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My face.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Black.

3. Would you kick the last person you kicked again?
Probably.

4. Do you plan your outfits?
Sometimes. Not really.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Tired. Bored. Annoyed.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
Shirt.

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
Why does it matter?

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Oh, man. I have no idea.

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nah.

10. What are you craving right now?
Sleep.

11. Do you floss?
Sure.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cole slaw.

13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Two months ago-ish.

14. Are you emotional?
Oh, yes.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
??

16. Who do you love most on 30 Rock?
I don't watch that show.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick.

18. Do you like your hair up or down?
My hair is really short.

19. Do you like kittens?
Sure.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
James and Oliver Phelps and Tyrone Wells!

21. Do you like cottage cheese thighs?
WHAT? No.

22. What are you listening to right now?
"Don't Worry Baby" by The Beach Boys. I'm obsessed with this song.

24. Are you planning to set fire to anything in particular in the near future?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love this question.

25. Would you go sky diving?
Never.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
NEVER.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
HAHA. Sure, why not.

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
No?

29. Have you ever been in a cave?
Yes! Spelunking!!

30. Do you read weird marketing books so that you won't hate yourself often?
WTF?

31. Do you know your neighbors?
Sure.

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Sure.

33. Do you own a gun?
No.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Sure.

35. Who called you last?
Christy, I think.

36. paper or plastic?
Neither. I bring my own.

37. Do you own something from a museum?
Yeah.

38. Ever been on a train?
Many times.

38. Have you ever carried a puppy in your pocket?
No no.

40. Have you touched a cow?
Yeah.

41. Have you ever been kicked in the face with a rollerblade?
No.

42. Do you use chap stick?
All the time.

43. What is your fondest memory of a dolphin?
Bahah!

44. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes.

45. Can you balance a spoon on your nose?
Sometimes.

46. Have you ever seen Godot?
Love it. LOVE IT. Everyone should see and also love Beckett as much as me.

47.What was the last question you asked?
Are you still in the corner?

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Amos Lee!!

49. Boys or girls?
Uhh. I like males. But, as far as children go... neither. I hate kids.

50. What have you done to help someone else graduate?
Uhh. Smile?

51. Is your hair curly?
No.

52. Last time you tickled?
I did the tickling or I got tickled? They were probably around the same general time.

53. Ever walked through a wall?
HAHA.

54. Do looks matter?
I would be lying if I said no. They do matter some. However, I think that the more you get to know someone the more attractive that person becomes to you.

55. Have you ever bought anything from a guy on the street?
Hell yeah! The Rasta guy that chills on Cary Street!

56. Have you ever graded someone?
Yes.

57. Favorite time of the year?
Summer.

58. Favorite color?
Yellow and teal.

59. Are you ambidextrous?
Negative.

60. Have you designed a tattoo?
Yup.

61. The last person at which you threw something?
Uhh. Terry, maybe. I throw things at him a lot.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No no.

63. Where was your default picture taken?
Tyrone Wells concert.

64. Do your dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.

65. Do you like rain?
NO!

66. How often do you dust?
Never. Haha.

67. What is your favorite animal that you don't want to touch?
Cheetah.

68. What do you personally think is most awesome about chuck norris?
Nothing. I think he's a joke.

69. Do you have viking blood?
No.

70. Can you hula hoop?
No no.

71. Have you ever bruised your toe?
Sure.

72. Have you ever dealt with HP customer service ?
??

73. Can you handle the truth?
Only sometimes.

74. What is your dog wearing?
Nothing?

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Sure! All the time at my old house.