"Why'd you laugh, when I know you hurt inside?" -Keane

Today has been trying. I had my Western Lit paper due today, which I did get done about an hour before it was due.

I hung out with Logan, which was kind of strange to say the least. I think we may actually be okay, now, though.

I am telling myself in this second to NOT STRESS about this thing going on with a certain person. NO STRESS! I have entirely too much stress from other things to be thinking about that right now. I just need to let things play out as they would even if I did stress, just calmly. I can, oh! I will.

I am at that point int he semester where that breakdown [you know the one, the one that everyone has, but no one EVER talks about] is almost eminent. Everyday, I feel more and more building. I know I will have the breakdown. It's not something that I can, or really want to prevent. However, I want it to be somewhere that I am not around other people, because it's not something that people should be subjected to. It's terrible. And I am truly sorry to people who have seen me in that state.

I am now, packing up and thus, leaving the library, I think for the night, because, I need a night off. A night away from this building. I have been in this building EVERY SINGLE night for three straight weeks. So, I am going to watch House with Kirstina. It is much needed.

Thanks to all those people who have been truly wonderful in my life as of late. You know who you are. I really appreciate it.

Thanks.

LOVE LOVE.

SAC.

Shakey.

So, my Shakespeare Journals are due today. I'm not done. What can you do?

I like someone. Not that other person from before. A different person. Explanation later, promise.

Class now. Just wanted to give a brief look at what's to come.

"You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin back in the 80s before they knew cocaine was bad. Man, they could move some paper!" -Michael from The Office

So last night, I had best time with Christy which was much needed.

Right now, though, my heart is aching. I am so lost. I miss this person, when at the same time I feel like I really have no reason. We weren't close. We hadn't spoken in like three months, maybe more. I just wish I could have told him so much. Told him that I never gave up on him. NEVER.

I'm also really lost about some other business in my life, but it's not really a big thing, so i am just choosing to ignore it for my sanity. [Although, if we know Sarah Countryman at all, then we also know that that is truly not possible...] I just really want to not stress about it.

I have Shakespeare Journals due tomorrow and I cannot make myself focus. I cannot really think about much, without my mind exploding, and me just wanting to burst into to tears.

It doesn't really help that my father basically told me he didn't want me around today. It really hurt my feelings, and then he proceeded to tell me that I was immature.

This post is really emo. Sorry kids. I have a lot of emotions running through my brain right now.

I need a good cry, but I cannot bring myself to ACTUALLY cry. It's a strange feeling. My chest feels slightly like it's going to implode if I don't, but I also feel like it will actually explode if I do. I really just need to run in to the woods and scream really loudly and release everything I feeling. Let it loose. Let it out of my soul. Cleanse my soul from these emotions.

I miss him so much.

I do.

All I want to do is to tell him I loved him.

Done.

SAC.