"Don't worry, baby.

Everything will turn out all right."

Oh, The Beach Boys. They're great.

Anyway, I had a cool realization today. I like myself. I mean, I knew this. I didn't dislike myself before or anything. I had days where I would be upset about my weight or something like that, but I never disliked myself, never had self-esteem issues, at least not since high school. It's just that I never really consciously thought about it. I just sort of lived life not thinking one way or the other. But, today, I went to visit Emily at Blue Sky, and I was wearing a pair of shorts. I haven't worn shorts since middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL. I've always thought that shorts would look awful on me, so I've never bought them until yesterday when I bought two pairs. She said, "Sarah, those shorts look good on you." I went to argue, because that's just what I do when someone gives me a compliment, but I didn't argue. I thought to myself, "You know, what? I do." So, I hugged her and said "Thank you." I realize that I'm not College Barbie. I'm not perfectly tan and a size 2. I don't have perfectly straight blonde hair. I don't shop at Hollister and American Eagle. But, I don't want to look like every other typical girl. I want to be me. I am wonderful the way I am. Plus, I'm fairly certain I have a pretty ballin' personality. =].

It was a good moment.

I love Emily Williams so much. She is truly my best friend.

So there was a lack of epic in my epic post.

But, here it comes.

Today was such an odd day. I really didn't like it.

Today I missed Spanish, which really isn't good considering how many times I've missed that class. Then I was going to work on my rough draft, but I didn't, which means I fail at life, but whatever. Then, I went to Celia's Supermarket for Spanish, which was... interesting; Lizzie and I got some really odd looks, but I mean, it wasn't that bad, really. Then I had my Faulkner class. I had a nervous breakdown in class. Dasher decided that it was okay to throw like 80 things on to us that we didn't know about before. I had to GET UP AND LEAVE CLASS. I could not be in there anymore. Does he not know that we HAVE OTHER CLASSES?! I wanted to punch him. I went and sat in the hall. I thought I was going to cry, but I didn't. It couldn't really function though. I just sat there and stared for a full five minutes before I could even think enough to get up and go back into class. I seriously considering just grabbing my things and walking out, but I didn't. That probably would have been the last straw for Dasher. He would have been like, "Sarah, you fail. The end." After class I had auditions for Getting Out. The strangest auditions ever. I read for Ruby, a part that I REALLY wanted. But, my dad, who is probably thinking "If I don't cast her, she'll hate me, but if I cast her in a second play in two years [A SECOND PLAY IN TWO YEARS! YOU CAST PEOPLE IN EVERY PLAY!!!] then everyone else will hate me," decides that the best compromise option is for me to be the part of the loudspeaker voice. I won't even be on stage. He said that I "looked too young to play Ruby, and that you have good reading voice." Fuck that. Fuck a good reading voice. Then, after that, I went to Emily's room and we went to Walk-Mart, which was actually a fun little diversion from life. We listened to The Backstreet Boys LOUDLY and car danced like no one's business. Then. Guhh. I had a horrible moment with Jon that made me want to kill him. But, whatever... he's been an ass for going on four days now. Thankfully, Emily saved me and we went to Jonah's room for a bit, and listened to him and Shawn play Cecila for a while, which was actually pretty great. Now, I'm in the library, and should be working on my Spanish paper, but I'm writing this venting post instead.

BAHHHH!!!!!! ALKJFLSDJFSLJDF:LAJ!

I want to scream scream scream. I want to cry for hours. I want to get it all out of my system. I want it to all go away. I know that won't happen. I know it won't.

All of this work and stress has made me reassess my priorities, that's for sure. While, family will always be number one, the following numbers have certainly shifted around. I've been doing a lot of meditating lately, and I realize how important it is for me to spend that time at least once a day assessing what I need to do that day and about what's important. School has taken precidence over a lot. Not everything, but over a lot. I don't watch any TV anymore. I try to keep unnecessary socializing to a minimum. I live in the library. I pretty much do nothing but read and study. Also, some of my friendships have been strained lately, but I've learned through this that my friends are what keep me going, and keeping those frienships strong and healthy has become something that is a priority... it is difficult to do that, because of the amount of time I've transfered to school work, but I try to, at the very least, let my friends know how important they are to me.

I can't focus on this anymore.

I need to sleep.

I don't know when my Spanish thing is going to get done. I guess I'll just have to get up early or something.

[dies.]

It's about that time.

Epic post.

So here's the lowdown on what's been going on with me.

I've had so much going on and so much to do that it's not even funny. Last week, this week, and next week are all the busiest weeks I've had in college, ever.

Last week wasn't really a great week. I had stuff due in every class every day, the show, friend issues, blah, blah, blah, it doesn't matter. I made it through the week thanks to my best friend and an amazing book called Under the Overpass. This book. Changed my life. The end. It was truly one of the greatest books I've ever read in my entire life. If it wasn't for this book, and a wonderful girl named Emily Williams, it's likely that there would have been some serious nervous breakdown-age last week.

This week. Goodness. I have a draft of my Faulkner paper due tomorrow. A Spanish composition due on Wednesday. My Faulkner final draft due on Thursday. And finally to round out the week, a Spanish test on Friday. Sometime among all this, I have to find time to begin my poster presentation for African American and finish my play for Playwriting, so that I can give copies to my readers. Plus. I have auditions for Getting Out tomorrow, work Wednesday night and Thursday morning and I have to be at the theatre every night starting Thursday. Then the week after that, I have to stage my play, do my poster project, be discussion leader for The Road in Faulkner, write my paper for Yoga [yes, a paper in Yoga... I know, stupid], and start studying for finals. BAH!

I hate complaining. Guhh. Life is so much more than all things I have to get done. It really is. I am so thankful for people in my life who are teaching me this. I have such care for these people. I cannot even express how much they mean to me.

I know that even through all of the crap that the next couple of weeks, I know that I will be okay, because of the people who make life worth living, and who keep me going. =].

I love my friends.

So, some wonderful things that have happened in the last two days are:
1. The discovery of the Honey Tea Latte at Java City. Most amazing drink ever.
2. A fun night at WaHo with some fun people last night.
3. Austin Wolff running at me at a full force after hiding creepily behind a tree. It made my life.
4. Emily Williams sneaking around the library while hiding behind the "Quite Zone" sign, being a total creeper. It was the best moment of the night.
All of these things are reminders that life is so much more than stress and busyness.

I'm done, I think.

Lovelove.

Sarah

Lookout

Sometime in the next two days, whenever I have time, there will a fairly epic post.