I have never been in a situations like this before. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I've never really felt like this before. I have heard said "you can't help who you fall for". This is true, I think. I think this more so now that I ever have.

This situation is so complex. I can't simply shut my feelings off, but I also realize that other people can't either. I will not be that person that does anything to upset the general order of life [basically, I will not sabotage a relationship. I will not.] And, if this means sacrificing my feelings, and dealing with my own heartache, then that is what I will have to do.

But, even with that stated I will say that I have, never in my life, felt quite like this. I have had strong feelings for people, people I thought were going to be "the one" but it hasn't been a feeling like this. This is not that overwhelming feeling in your chest that makes you feel like you are going explode, and I don't feel like I am really hiding anything from him the way I felt like I have in the past. You know that feeling that is aching, and egging you on to tell the person you like them, but you can't... you know the feeling. This feeling is not like that. This is unlike anything I have ever experienced. This is a feeling of calm relief, a feeling that tells me "I know this is what is supposed to be", and I am 100% completely and wholly myself 100% of the time, the only thing being I have not told him how I feel. But, in this situation I one, don't think it would really be the best idea considering the situation and two, I don't feel like I need to say anything outloud... if something is ever going to happen it just will. No words need to be said.

Anyway, I am, at this point, waiting. Waiting to see what happens, and waiting for him. I will wait, for now, because in this moment, no one has ever been so completely right for me. Of course, I understand, if his situation that he is now does not end, that I will not be able to wait around forever for nothing. I am hoping this isn't nothing. It sure doesn't feel like nothing.

New subject.

Rehearsal is off and running. We are learning lines, and learning how to do an Irish accent... it's a fun time. I did learn yesterday from Alice that I have to shave my head on November 1st, which is a WHOLE lot earlier than I had originally planned. I think I may cry when it happens. Thank goodness that Chels, Emma, Mark, and Jordan will be with me. A few other people may jump on the wagon and come with.

Okay, so I am wrapping this up now.

Love love.

SAC.